Top ten great things about being a writer

I have in my right hand, direct from my home office in Corn Borer, Indiana, today’s category: Ten great things about being an author.

10. No heavy lifting. Since no physical skill or strength is required to be a word jock, your career isn’t over by age 30 like most major league athletes.

9. It’s cheaper than collecting antique cars or Longaberger baskets. For the price of a ream of paper ($3.95 at Office Depot) you can write an epic novel or two nonfiction books. (Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address was written on the back of an old envelope.)

8. It’s one of the few occupations you can perform in your underwear without the vice squad breaking down your door.

7. You can get your picture in the paper without the vice squad breaking down your door.

6. A chance to speak your mind long after you’re dead. All those authors from American and English Literature class had met their final deadlines long before you read them (or scanned the Cliff Notes).

5. It’s a great soapbox. Instead of annoying just your family and friends with your rants and raves, you can annoy thousands of people with your rants and raves.

4. On election day, you can vote more than once—legally. An editorial, a letter to the editor, even an email note, can sway readers’ votes, so get out and vote—repeatedly.

3. You can receive notes like this email from last week: “I am a 38 year old mother of four: two teenagers and two under the age of nine. I am writing to let you know how much your writing has lifted my spirits.”

2. It’s the closest thing to God’s creation ex nihilo—creating something out of nothing; using words to bring order out of chaos.

1. And conference directors actually pay you to fly off to exotic locations! I am so looking forward to the Colorado Christian Writers Conference in Estes Park!

So, I’m . . .

• looking forward to seeing old friends and meeting new ones who share a passion for communicating with the printed and pixelated word.

• dreading flying, particularly through Chicago’s “O’Hell” International. (I love flying, but I hate everything before wheels up and after wheels down: airport security, delayed and cancelled flights, and talkative seatmates.)

• once again, feeling totally inadequate (I know, I know, it’s my clinical depression and a touch of Asperger’s talking, but until I actually open my mouth for the first session—and get the first laugh—I’m a mess!)

• asking for your prayers. Please!

Wednesday, I’ll share links to my keynote talk and seminars while there, so you can enjoy a bit of the conference. (All you’ll be missing out on will be the view of 14,000-feet mountains, great food and fellowship with crazy, creative people, and an occasional elk looking in the cabin window. Other than that, it will be like you’re right there!)