Gideon: A comedy/drama by James N. Watkins

Gideon

Judges 7:1-16

James Watkins

Synopsis
Gideon attempts to brief his army for battle, but keeps getting interrupted by Someone higher in command

Uses
• To preface a Bible study of the book of Judges
• To introduce a sermon based on Judges 7
• To illustrate commitment and submission in following God's plan—even if it seems a bit far-fetched
• Just for fun.

Permission to print and perform this sketch
We're on the honor system! Simply send a donation to:
James Watkins
Wesleyan Publishing House
P.O. Box 50434
Indianapolis, IN 46250

Voice Over

We interrupt this [fill in event] for this official Emergency Broadcast System announcement from the Israeli Department of Defense. This is not a test! An invading army of 300,000 heavily-armed warriors is threatening the hopelessly outnumbered Hebrew army with just 100,000 men. Here is General Gideon:

Gideon

[Confidently, enthusiastically rallying the troops]

My fellow Hebrews, ask not what Israel can do for you, ask what you can do for Israel. I can only offer you blood, sweat, and tears, but history will record that this was Israel's finest hour. Remember the grain! May the force be with you! Let's go out and win one for the . . .

[Acts as if he has been interrupted by someone]

Excuse me, it's the Commander in Chief.

[Gideon is apparently talking with God. His tone is now subdued]

Yes, Sir.

[Pause; listening]

Yes, I know we have a numbers problem.

[Pause; listening]

Yes, I thought . . .

[Pause; listening]

Too many? But . . .

[Pause; listening]

Yes, Sir.

[Trying to sound confident as he addresses his army]

Alright! Listen up and listen good. Get the women, children, and lily-livered cowards off the battle field.

[Sounding panicked]

No! Wait a minute! Maybe you didn't understand . . . just those with a yellow streak.

[Regaining his composure; now with false confidence]

Well men, we're outnumbered, so we're going to have to go to Plan B—an elite commando force. Now, all you guys weighing two hundred pounds and six feet tall who played lineman for Hebrew High, I want you to...

[Acts as if he's been interrupted again]

Excuse me, it's the Commander in Chief.

[Pause, listening]

Yes, Sir, I thought we could use a small SWAT team.

[Pause; listening]

Great, I've got some real Rambo types and...

[Pause; shocked at news; listening]

Let me make sure I heard that right. You want me to pick the men by how they what?

[Pause; resigned]

Yes, Sir.

[Talking to his men]

Okay, men, we're moving out to the river.

[Pause; disappoinnted]

Now, you guys with the wet heads, pack up your tunics and head for your tents. You . . . [he looks disappointed and shakes his head in disbelief], you three hundred skinny guys, come with me. I'm sure the Commander in Chief has some smart weapons for our mission: laser-guided spears, atomic-powered battering rams, or intercontinental catapults, or...

[Interrupted]

Excuse me, it's the Commander in Chief. Yes, Sir.

[Pause; listening, he looks puzzled]

With what? When?

[To his men]

Alright men, gather 'round for your battle briefing.

[Holding up an imaginary weapon]

This is the AK-47 . . . Clay Pitcher. Take care of your pitcher and your pitcher will take care of you. The AK-47 is armed with a 100 millimeter flame-throwing torch. Make sure your torch is well-trimmed and properly oiled. Finally men, the pneumatic-powered trumpet. Now, let's move out!

[Pause; listening to reaction of men]

I know it's 01:00 [pronouned "oh-one-hundred"] hours, but the Commander says we're to attack in the middle of the night.

[Pause; listening to more objections]

Look, I'm only taking orders from higher up—and I do mean higher up!